


The Depth of a Conch

by WritersKitten



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: And to stop overthinking, Comfort/Angest, Fluff and Angst, Lance just needs a hug okay, M/M, Pining, Someone help Keith understand the meaning of comfort, Space Dad Shiro is so done with their shit, oblivious idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 20:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11952063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritersKitten/pseuds/WritersKitten
Summary: I miss rain ...Keith just wanted to see Lance smile again. Not one of those fake ones, where he laughed and joked, but his hands trembled. A proper one. A proper smile that sent Keith's heart soaring, and not clench in worry. He just wanted to see Lance happy, and never actually questioned the reason behind it. Not before the words all but fall out of his mouth.





	The Depth of a Conch

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short one-shot, but grew out of proportion. It was literally slapped together a couple of hours ago, while distracting myself from something else, so please excuse any spelling mistakes or incoherences. Either way, please enjoy!

_I miss rain …_

 

Such a simple line, yet it kept replaying itself in Keith's mind, again and again, as he watched Lance huddled into an alcove with a large window. In the daily life of the castle, Lance was a constant enigma of energy and horrible jokes that Keith shouldn’t find as funny as he did. But some nights when his insomnia got the better of him, and he found himself wandering the dark halls, he would find Lance sitting in the alcove, tucked into a blanket. Whenever it happened, Keith would stop quietly and allow himself to watch. Watch the silent hunch of Lance’s shoulders. How small he looked curled up like that. 

Keith would leave before he was discovered, but those moments stayed with him, and if Lance ever suddenly disappeared from a conversation, Keith knew where he would be after the lights were dimmed and everyone had gone to bed.

It was such a night. Keith had given up on sleep hours ago, and instead wandered the halls, hoping that physical weariness would allow him rest, even if his mind refused to shut up. It had never worked before, but he kept stubbornly telling himself that one day it would.

He was absolutely sure he hadn’t planned it, but suddenly he found himself watching the same alcove as so many nights before, and there was Lance, curled up and tucked into a blanket. It took Keith a moment to realise that Lance’s shoulder shook irregularly, almost like he was-

Before the thought could complete itself, Lance spun around, locking red-rimmed eyes on Keith.

Silence.

“What are you doing here?” Lance finally asked. His voice cracked.

Keith opened his mouth to answer, then closed it. Hesitated. Regarded Lance carefully. Lance looked vulnerable, like he was falling apart in every seam, but desperately tried to hide it. “I was walking,” Keith replied slowly, considering each word before he said it. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Lance turned away, hiding in his blanket again. “I’ll be fine,” he insisted. His voice was muffled by the fabric.

Keith hesitated. He didn’t want to leave Lance just like that, but then again Lance had pushed him away. Lance didn’t want genuine pity, that much Keith knew. Maybe comfort, but Keith had no idea of how to give even that. Not without making it awkward, anyway. So he left. He didn’t get any sleep that night.

 

A few days later they were scanning space for distress signals, working from each their corner. Keith had worked his way through one galaxy already, when he noticed Lance zooming unnecessarily far in on one planet, frowning, slowly turning the image, then zooming in a bit more. It took Keith a minute to realise it was Earth.

Lance picked out a particular landmass, finding the shore. A house was barely visible there. With a few taps, Lance had accessed ground-view. Blue sea stretched out in front of him. White sandbanks. A few discarded conches poked out of the sand.

“Lance, stop playing around,” Allura chided. “Keith, stop watching Lance.”

Lance jumped, tearing his eyes from the image, and met Keith’s gaze.

Heat washed over Keith in crashing waves. He turned away quickly.

 

It was Shiro who picked out a seemingly friendly-looking planet. Allura asked for a diplomatic meeting, and not even twenty-four hours later they were boarding their lions to meet whoever these people were. As they approached, Keith noticed bright blue water, white shores, rolling hills. It seemed idyllic.

Once they landed on the shore, however, they found the city surrounded by indestructible walls to keep intruders out. At the moment the gates were open, revealing rows upon rows of white stone houses with flowers under the windows. 

The chief wanted to talk to Shiro and Allura alone and unarmed first, while the rest of them were to wait outside the walls with guards watching their every step. Keith regarded the guards carefully. They seemed harmless, wearing little more than tunics, trousers and sandals. Completely weaponless. That didn’t mean they weren’t dangerous.

As if to prove his point, one of the guards sprung to action, crossing the distance between himself and Lance with inhuman speed. Lance had wandered away from the lions, down to the water, where he had crouched down to look at something. He dropped whatever he had been holding, showing the guard empty hands.

The guard said something, narrowing his eyes at Lance. 

Lance smiled, excusing himself, and stood, quickly making his way back to Keith, Hunk and Pidge. 

Hunk glanced up from where he had been toying with his helmet. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” The smile would have been completely convincing, if Lance hadn’t been gripping his own helmet too tightly. If Lance’s fingers hadn’t trembled slightly.

Hunk hummed, humouring him.

Lance joined Hunk and Pidge on the ground.

Keith headed over to the guards. They didn’t show any signs of feeling threatened. “If it’s okay to ask,” Keith started politely, keeping his voice down, “what happened?”

The guards exchanged glances, then one nodded. The other sighed and trudged towards the water, motioning for Keith to follow. The guard picked something up. It was a beautiful white conch, larger than Keith’s hand. The inside shimmered. “Nature is holy,” the guard said softly, cradling the conch. “We do not take without giving. The blue paladin is not ready to understand that yet.”

“Lance wanted the conch?”

The guard didn’t reply.

Keith tried again. “What do you mean by ‘giving’?”

This time it was the guard’s turn to regard him carefully. Searchingly. Maybe he was satisfied, maybe not, but at last he said, “You give a memory. A good memory, filled with love.”

Keith glanced back at Lance. Lance was lost in conversation with Hunk and Pidge, laughing at something one of the other two had just said. He dropped a hand on Hunk’s shoulder, and Hunk immediately attacked Lance with tickles. Lance squirmed, gasping with laughter.

“Would you like to give a memory?” the guard asked quietly, a hint of a smile in his voice.

Keith swallowed. “How?”

For the first time since they had arrived, the guard smiled genuinely. “Focus on the memory you want to give. Make sure it fills you. You need to feel that it is good. Then let it go.”

“And I won’t remember it afterwards?”

“Nature will return it in kind.”

That was vague, but it somehow made sense. Take and give. Pay and receive. 

The guard placed the conch in Keith’s hands, patting his arm. “Just think about it.” Quickly he returned to his post, leaving Keith standing there.

Keith pressed the conch to his ear uncertainly. At first all he heard was the rush of his own blood, but then he thought he heard waves. The lapping of a rising tide, the pull of air. And maybe, very faintly, the patter of rain as it came in across the sea.

 

When they returned to the castle, the sun had set. The meeting had been an absolute success. Keith strolled back to his room, accompanied by Shiro.

“What’s that?”

Keith didn’t meet Shiro’s eyes. “What’s what?”

“That.” Shiro poked Keith’s helmet.

“My helmet.”

“Keith.”

“Shiro.”

“What’s that _inside_ the helmet? The bundle?” Shiro prodded.

“Nothing.” Heat rose into Keith’s face. 

“Really?” Without a warning, Shiro grabbed the helmet and held it out of Keith’s reach. “Then you won’t mind me taking a look.”

“Give it back!” Keith jumped, helplessly trying to reach the helmet before Shiro could see what was inside. Before Keith would have to dig his own grave to escape the embarrassment Shiro undoubtedly would put him through. A year of friendship in the Garrison had taught him that. “Don’t you dare, Shirogane!” Keith forcefully shoved Shiro against the closest wall, jabbed an elbow in Shiro’s stomach, and jumped.

Shiro barely managed to move the helmet out of Keith’s reach, grabbed Keith in a headlock and brought him down. And then, without a pause, he surged up and sprinted down the hall, laughing.

“I hate you!” Keith was on his feet in seconds, sprinting to catch up. He was faster than Shiro, and Shiro hadn’t had that much of a head start. Before they reached the end of the hall, Keith was at Shiro’s heels. “Give it back! Now!”

Shiro was still laughing. He made a sudden turn into an empty room, dashed through it and locked himself into the bathroom.

Keith slammed against the bathroom door with everything he had, but it didn’t budge. Of course it didn’t. “Fuck you!” There was a small fogged window in the top of the door. He hit the it with his fist. Not even a crack.

On the other side, Shiro was laughing and gasping for air. 

“I swear, if you don’t open this instant, I’ll kill you!”

“So severe,” Shiro teased, his voice muffled by the door. Shiro’s head popped into the window and he held up the bundle.

“Don’t!” Keith panicked, throwing himself at the door again. When he glanced through the window again, Shiro was staring wide-eyed at the conch, mouth hanging open. If Keith was one to cry, he would have done so right that instant. 

Shiro’s gaze flickered to Keith, then back to the conch. He said something, too quiet for Keith to catch. Then the bathroom door slid open.

Keith forced himself through before it was completely open, tackled Shiro, grabbed the conch and quickly wrapped it into the bundle again. He hugged it closely, ignoring his own helmet on the floor.

Shiro stared at him.

“It’s not for me, okay?” Keith snapped. His face was on fire.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s …” Keith’s voice was caught in his throat and he swallowed, lowering his head. “It’s for Lance. He’s been weird lately, I think he misses home, and I just want to see him smile again. Properly.”

Keith practically felt Shiro’s gaze soften.

“Nobody was supposed to know I gave it to him, but now you know, and it’s ruined.”

“I won’t say anything.” Shiro picked up Keith’s helmet and put a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “I promise, Keith. I’m not telling a living soul. And I think Lance’ll love it.”

“You sure?” Keith dared a peek at Shiro’s face.

Shiro smiled. “Absolutely.”

Keith relaxed a little. Guilt washed over him. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Shiro laughed, shifting to throw an arm around Keith’s shoulders to guide him back to their rooms. “It’s forgotten. I wouldn’t have been too happy either.”

 

Keith waited until he was sure everyone was asleep, or at least safely buried in their rooms. Then he slipped out of his room, soundlessly making his way to Lance’s door. He pressed his ear against it, picking out irregular breathing. He knocked. Listened. Knocked again.

Footsteps.

He chickened out. He spun around and dashed for the end of the hall. Turned the corner just as the door opened. His heart was beating loudly in his ears. So loudly he barely heard the annoyed, “Hunk, Pidge, I know you’re there. If this is another prank, I’m hiding all of your shampoos.”

Keith exhaled softly and hurried back to his own room. Once safely inside, he slipped down with his back against the door and buried his face in the bundle. _Shit._ He could jump into an enemy lair and attack unnoticed, he could haggle with strangers, but give Lance a conch? No.

He barely slept that night, tossing and turning, and wondering how to give it to Lance without being figured out. Would Lance even like the conch, or would he throw it away? The more Keith thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed. A conch. What the hell would Lance want a conch for? It was the most idiotic present ever, and Lance would for sure know it was from Keith. It was so obvious.

All of the following morning he managed to avoid Lance. Mainly by avoiding everyone else.

It was night again before he even dared to enter any of the common areas, such as the kitchen. He was starving. He grabbed something Hunk had made earlier that day, perched himself on the bench, and dug in. 

He was almost done when the door slid open and Lance entered, looking more tired than ever. 

Both froze.

Heat surged into Keith’s face. He hurriedly tried to push the bundle behind himself, because he hadn’t brought it with him just in case. Not at all. 

Lance squinted through tiredness. “What are you doing here?”

Keith tried, and failed, to compose himself. “What do we usually do in a kitchen?” It came out sharper than intended.

Lance squinted at him for another moment, then grabbed a glass and filled it with water. He didn’t say anything before he had drained half of his second glass. Then he perched himself on the table opposite Keith. “Where you been all day? We were worried.”

“About.”

“Right.”

Keith shifted, very conscious of the bundle behind him.

“What’s that?”

 _Fuck_. “Sorry?”

“That thing you’re trying to hide behind your back.”

Keith slumped in defeat. This wasn’t how he planned it to happen. Lance wasn’t supposed to know who it was from. But Keith could still escape. Still hide it and pretend it didn’t even exist. Pretend he hadn’t been awake at stupid o’clock, talking to Lance in the kitchen. Shiro’s smile drifted to the surface. _Lance’ll love it_. 

“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me,” Lance said.

“It’s a gift.” Keith swallowed. Very hesitantly he pulled the bundle forth, before he could reconsider his decision. He held it out to Lance. “It’s stupid and probably doesn’t make any sense, and it’s fine if you don’t want it. You can just throw it away. That’s fine too.” _No, it’s not._ Keith had given one of his best memories for it. It wouldn’t be fine.

Lance took the bundle, now almost as hesitant as Keith. He started to unwrap it.

“Wait!”

Lance froze. Glanced at Keith.

“Just … I don’t want to see you open it if you’ll be disappointed.”

“I don’t know if I’m going to be disappointed or not before I open it.”

“Then wait until I’m gone.” Keith didn’t even finish the rest of his food, just hurried out of the kitchen. Away. Away from Lance and the conch. He wound his way through halls and narrow corridors, putting as much distance between them as possible without leaving the castle. 

Somehow he found himself in Lance’s alcove. 

Ridiculous.

He curled up in Lance’s spot and found himself swallowed by space. Whatever existed behind him didn’t matter. All that mattered was the endless expanse of emptiness in front of him, dotted with stars and distant galaxies. 

Slowly the heartbeat in his ears calmed, until it was an almost sleepy pace. Slow.

It would be okay. Even if Lance didn’t like the conch, it would be okay. Even if Lance didn’t understand the significance of the conch, it would be okay. Even if Lance didn’t know what Keith had sacrificed, it would be okay. It would be okay.

He closed his eyes. Stars and galaxies kept passing behind his eyelids, eventually sending him to sleep.

 

Keith woke up only a couple of hours later. His neck hurt from sleeping at a weird angle. He sat up, stretching his neck and rubbing it. He really needed to learn to go back to his room before he fell asleep. A blanket fell into his lap. He froze.

Lance sat opposite him, their feet almost touching. The conch was pressed against Lance’s ear and his eyes were closed, as if he was listening intently. Tears spilled down Lance’s face.

Without thinking, Keith leaned forward and wiped the tears away with his thumb.

Lance jerked upright, almost dropping the conch.

Keith pulled back, hugging his hands close. He stared at Lance. Blue eyes. In the darkness of the alcove, they seemed almost black. Like the space around them. Vast, endless. And with thousands of stars and galaxies.

Lance stared right back.

Silence.

Keith didn’t dare to break it.

Eventually, though, Lance did. “Thank you.” He lowered his head, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket. Carefully he cradled the conch. “It’s the one from the beach, right?”

“Yeah.” Keith’s mouth was dry. He barely managed to get the word out.

“I wondered what you and that guard were talking about.” Lance smiled shyly, peering up at Keith. “How did you convince him to give it to you?”

“I didn’t … He didn’t … I mean …” Keith tried to get his brain to cooperate. What was the point of having one, if he couldn’t use it when it mattered? “I had to pay for it.”

“Oh.”

“Not in money, though.”

Lance waited.

Keith shook his head. “You don’t need to know that. Just know that I want you to have the conch.”

Lance leaned forward, placing a hand on Keith’s knee. “But I want to know.”

Keith hesitated. “A memory. A good memory.”

“What?” Lance’s eyes widened and he frowned. “That’s not … You shouldn’t … You gave up on a memory, something that makes up the person you are, so that you could give me a conch?” His voice cracked.

“It’s not like I don’t remember it,” Keith snapped, refusing to meet Lance’s eyes. “I just don’t feel anything. It’s like remembering someone else’s memory.”

Lance fell back, and to Keith’s shock there were new tears brimming in Lance’s eyes. “You gave up a good memory for me? That’s … I’m not worth that.” And then he was practically bawling, hiding in his own arms, cradling the conch and shaking.

Keith stared. Lance was falling apart completely in front of him, and he had absolutely no idea of what to do. He had broken Lance, and he didn’t know how to fix him. What was normal to do? “Hey.” Keith lightly, awkwardly, patted Lance’s shoulder. “It’s okay.”

Lance started sobbing.

Keith jerked back. _I fucked up, abort mission!_  

And then, as if that wasn’t enough, footsteps sounded in the hall. Footsteps quickly coming towards them. Too light to be Hunk, too heavy to be Pidge. Too loud to be Allura or Coran. Leaving only one option.

Shiro appeared around the corner, looking like he just rolled out of bed and had grabbed whatever clothes were closest. He frowned, gaze flitting between Lance and Keith. “What-” He stopped himself and hurried over to them. Carefully perched himself at the edge of the alcove and pulled Lance into a hug.

As if desperate for human touch, Lance latched onto Shiro, crying into his shoulder, and Keith couldn’t admit that he wasn’t a tiny bit jealous.

Shiro rubbed slow circles into Lance’s back, not saying anything. His hand came to a rest between Lance’s shoulder blades and he narrowed his eyes at Keith. “What did you do?” he mouthed.

Keith almost chocked in indignation. “I didn’t do anything!” he hissed.

Shiro didn’t even grace him with a reply, just continued comforting Lance.

Keith huffed, curling into himself while keeping a worried eye on Lance.

Slowly the sobs turned into hiccups. Lance’s breaths were still irregular, but he seemed calmer. He shifted so he could rub his eyes. They were red and puffy, and his nose was swollen. Then he nestled against Shiro, his eyes drifting to Keith. 

Shiro was forced to make himself more comfortable. “What exactly happened?”

Keith was ready to defend himself, when Lance replied. “Keith gave me a conch.” Under any other circumstances, that would have been a ridiculous statement. A ridiculous explanation. Yet it made sense. Lance showed the white shell. The shimmering inside.

Shiro’s eyebrows shot up.

“I just told him that I had to pay for it with a good memory, and then he said something about not being worth it and started crying.” Keith glared.

Lance hugged the conch tighter.

Apparently Shiro came to some sort of realisation, because a second later he gripped Lance’s shoulders tightly and pushed him away to look him in the eyes. “Listen.” Shiro tilted his head to catch Lance’s eyes. “You’re worth everything, all right?”

Lance didn’t respond.

Shiro turned him around to face Keith. “Why did you give Lance the conch?”

“Shiro!” Keith’s face burned.

“Keith, tell Lance.”

Keith pinched his lips shut.

“Now.”

“You were sad, and I wanted to see you happy again.” Keith hid his face, refusing to look at either of them. “There.” 

“See? That wasn’t too hard.” The amusement in Shiro’s voice was beyond frustrating. “Lance, Keith did it for you. He thinks you’re worth it. He sacrificed happiness for you.”

Silence.

“I’m going back to bed.” Shiro stood. “You two _are_ going to talk through whatever you’re feeling, and I _will_ ask you about it when I see you next.” And just like that he left.

More silence.

Suddenly Lance started laughing. Or more like giggling. It was the most adorable and heartwarming sound Keith had heard in his whole life, and the way his heart skipped a beat probably wasn’t very healthy. He lifted his head enough to glare at Lance. “What?” There was no edge to the snap.

“You’re completely red!” Lance tried to bite back another fit, then gave up, threw his head back and roared with laughter. 

“Of course I’m red! I pretty much confessed to you, and you’re laughing? I have every reason to be red!” Keith pushed the blanket away to get out of the alcove. “I’m leaving.”

“No, wait.” Lance grabbed his arm and held him there, still laughing. “I’m sorry for laughing at you. You’re adorable.”

Keith was pretty sure he was ready to explode. He tried to form a coherent sentence, but his brain failed him. Again. Ridiculous.

Lance released Keith’s arm and instead took his hand, hesitantly intertwining their fingers. He smiled that shy smile again. “I think I like you too.” Then he leaned forward and kissed Keith’s cheek. Quickly.

Keith died. He stared at Lance; the eyes with thousands of galaxies in them, the tiny dimples, the way his lips parted to show teeth when he smiled shyly. He was perfect, and Keith was completely gone. In a burst of boldness, Keith took Lance’s face in his hands. “Want to go out with me?”

“What?” Lance laughed, uncertainty and hope mixing in one expression.

Keith swallowed. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

Lance’s face lit up in a way Keith had never thought possible. Where there minutes before had been tears, there was now only pure happiness and a beaming grin. Lance hugged him, arms wrapped around his chest and face buried in his neck. “Yes."


End file.
